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Comic Speech #6

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Hi, Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen – For those of you who don”t know me my name is Ben and I’m Michael’s best man. Well, I’m the best “he could get” OR “who would agree to do it”.

On behalf of the bridesmaids and myself, I’d like to thank Mike and Laura for asking us to be involved in their unique and special day. I know they’ve both put a tremendous amount of effort in to the planning of this wedding, especially Laura, and I can only hope that, apart from this speech, everything else will have exceeded their expectations.

I can only say in my defence that Mike and I share a common sense of humour so if this speech is in anyway unfunny please “Feel Free to Blame Mike.”

– I must agree with Mike what a great job the Bridesmaids did, ladies you look lovely.
– I would also like to thank the Ushers…… for at least turning up sober, “Good work Fellas”.
– Laura you look absolutely fantastic.
– Nobody ever seems to pay the Groom a compliment, I think you”ll all agree Mike is also looking pretty good. For those of you who don’t know Mike is actually one of the hairiest men in Britain, with that in mind I’d like to thank the staff at Chester Zoo’s Ape and Monkey House on Mike’s behalf for their help in getting him ready for today.

The first thing a best man is supposed to do in his speech is let everybody from the bride’s side know what sort of man Laura has married.
Ok here goes Mike is caring, loving – funny, charming, generous, successful, suave… [SHOW Mike] Suave ??… sorry mate, I don’t think that’s how you spell suave. Well you get the idea ….. he’s a decent bloke.

Of course it”s also traditional for the best man to tell a witty anecdote about the groom, something that gives an insight into his character.
Unfortunately with Mike, when we sat down to think about it we discovered nothing funny had ever happened to him. As with most best man / groom relationships there are the stories I’m not allowed to tell, like the time myself and Mike ended up in the casualty department after one Saturday night out. However if you see me at the bar later I may be persuaded to reveal all.

Not having a witty story I decided to look up Mike’s date of birth on the Internet to see what momentous events took place on his birthday.
Unfortunately nothing much seems to have happened. Although the nurses on the ward where Mike was born still refer to that day as “Ugly Thursday”!
Now I don”t know why, in fact Mike’s Mum was saying what a lovely blonde haired blue-eyed baby boy he was….. in fact, “Do we have a photo of him ?” [-REVEAL BABY POSTER-].

Now, wait that’s not funny. Now the one of Laura it’s funny [-REVEAL BABY POSTER-].

I was Talking to Laura’s Dad earlier and he was saying as a young girl she was “never as happy as when she had her dummy with her”. Some things never change he said, look how happy she is today.

I’ve known Mike for 11 years now, we actually started working at the same place at almost the same time. In fact when Mike started I was asked by the head of HR to show him and another fella, Chris Osborne?, around and answer any questions they might have. So having done a quick tour of the offices I asked them both if they had any questions to which Mike enquired, “Who organises the five-a-side football?” and “Which pub do you go to at lunchtime?”. Obviously he was fully committed to the firm.
Talking of football, Mike considers himself to be a bit of a star player. In fact he could have turned professional if it wasn’t for two things, his left foot and his right foot. I don’t know if you know this but Mike has tried his hand at nearly every sport under the sun, as the various bits of sporting equipment languishing in his garage will testify.
Now he’s getting a bit older he’s turning his attention more and more to gadgets, constantly buying stuff from ebay, amazon and I want one of those dot com. I swear he didn’t have an interest in women until he overheard someone say the secret to women was knowing what buttons to press.

Well I can honestly say in Laura he has managed to get one of the best girls possible. I do have to say how lucky you are Mike. You will leave here today having gained a wife that is warm, loving, caring. Who is both funny, and beautiful.

And Laura, you’ll leave here today having gained a Gorgeous dress and a lovely bouquet of flowers.

On a more serious note for a moment…
I remember the Night Michael and Laura met………

[STORY ABOUT NIGHT THEY MET]

………..

Well, I won’t keep you any longer, I know Mike’s dying to buy you all a drink at the bar.

It just remains for me to say what an Honour it was today to be standing here as Mike’s best man and actually see Mike walk Laura down the aisle.

It now it gives me immense pleasure, not to mention relief, to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses in a TOAST

to the new Mr and Mrs Picot.

We wish them well for the future and hope they enjoy a long, happy marriage.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, to Michael and Laura.