Best Man Speech Guide

So, this is the tough part of being a best man – delivering a speech. If like most people you’ve had little or no experience of speech writing and delivery then fear not, we at iamthebestman are here to support you! Below, in the form of a Q&A, is our guide to help get you started.

How long should a best man speech be? Five to eight minutes, and never more than ten. Typed up in 12 point Arial with 1.5 line spacing, that’s roughly three to five pages, as each page takes about a minute and a half to read out. Even if you’re a brilliant speaker, 15 minutes is the absolute maximum. Nobody has ever complained that the best man was too short.

What’s the point of the best man’s speech?

The most important thing for all of the speeches is that you should remember when it comes to gathering material is to ask yourself this very simple question: what do you want to say? This is the point in the day when you get to express your thoughts and feelings to everyone there. Ok, so maybe that’s a bit nerve-wracking but it’s also a tremendous privilege to be able to have that sort of opportunity, so use it – say something from the heart that people will remember. Your speech should also look to include some humour and people expect a bit of light hearted banter at the groom’s expense!

It might sound obvious but often we often get caught up in what we’re supposed to say and forget that this is their chance to tell their best friend, wife, or daughter what they think of them. If the groom is a mate who has always been there for you then this is the point to say so. This honest statement of how you feel is the sort of thing that can make for the most effective toasts and it’s what people will remember.

How long in advance should I start preparing?

Give yourself plenty of time to prepare. Three or four weeks is recommended.

How do I write a best man speech in under an hour?

‘I need a best man speech written by Monday, help.’ We get that email more often than you would think. If you have left it late, this is the fast track.

1. Start with the structure, not the jokes (ten minutes). Write the seven stage headings from the structure section below on a sheet of paper and jot the first thing that comes into your head under each one. Bullets, single words, whatever. You are sketching a skeleton, not writing the speech.
2. Find your stories (fifteen minutes). Everything else can be borrowed; the stories can’t, and you have no time to ring round his mates. Think about what he is known for (forgetful, no common sense, a daft habit) and pull out two or three stories that prove it. Two or three is enough.
3. Write it, then go through it three times (twenty minutes). Don’t polish as you go. Get to the end, then re-read for flow and sense.
4. Get one other person to read it (ten minutes). A wedding audience is three generations, friends, parents and grandparents, and the tolerance for edgy gags drops with each one. A parent or a colleague will spot the line Auntie Maureen won’t laugh at.
5. Read it out loud at least once. It will sound different to how it sounds in your head, and the second run through will be twice as good as the first.

Really up against it? Our speech writing service exists for exactly this.

How long should it be?

You should aim for your speech to be under ten minutes and ideally last between five and eight minutes. Even if you’re a brilliant speaker 15 mins is the absolute maximum.

What is the basic structure?

• Introduce yourself, thank previous speakers
• Talk about the groom (and the bride if you know her) – do this humorously but not destructively
• Give an outsiders perspective on the couple’s relationship
• Toast the bride and groom
• Possibly read correspondence or hand back over to the MC

Want to see that structure in action? Read a few of our free best man speech examples before you start, and if the groom is family, begin with this best man speech for a brother.
 

The seven stages of a best man speech

If the bullet points above feel a bit thin, this is the structure we use when we write speeches for people. It breaks the job into seven chunks, which makes a blank page a lot less scary.

1. Opening line. One or two lines to get an early laugh and relax everyone, you included.
2. Introduction. Who you are, how you know the groom, and the thank yous. Plenty of sincere thanks will already have been said by the time you stand up, so your job is to do yours with a joke. Tradition says you thank the bridesmaids on the groom’s behalf, and a gag about them having to dance with you later usually does it.
3. The bridge. How you felt when he asked you, and how nervous you are now. Everyone likes an underdog, so admitting the nerves gets the room on your side. Your duties are good material here too:
   

   I can assure everyone that I have taken the role of best man seriously, and one of my most important duties was to make sure the groom got a good night’s sleep before the wedding. Well, I can reveal that last night Tom slept like a baby. He wet the bed and woke up every half hour crying and wanting his Mummy.

4. The roast. Pick two or three traits he is known for and the stories that prove them. A neat way in is to name the trait first: ‘I realised quite early on that Michael was a tough cookie. When he was seven years old I recall him…’ Then move on to how he met the bride and the daft things he did to win her over, which brings her into the speech.
5. Sincerity. Save the heartfelt bit for the final third. The room needs to warm to you before they will take sentiment from you, in the same way a film makes you care about a character before anything happens to them. Cover three things: what the friendship means to you, how happy you are for the two of them, and your wishes for their future.
6. Advice. A bit of tongue in cheek marital advice. Our advice to the groom page has lines you can pinch.
7. The toast. One last quip, or a line that carries on from the sincere bit, then glasses up.

How should I start a best man speech?

You will never have more of the room’s attention than in your first ten seconds, so spend some time on them. Three things help.

• Pick the right target. If you don’t know many of the guests, open with a joke at your own expense. Go for the groom before you have established who you are and a few of his relatives will get defensive. If you know most of the room, you have permission to hit the groom straight away. Other easy sources: something topical, the venue or the country you are in, or anyone who has travelled a long way to be there (‘Pete and Katherine have flown in from California. I hope the change in temperature wasn’t too much of a shock.’)
• Say it out loud. A line that reads well can turn into a tongue twister when spoken. Practise the opening more than anything else, because that is where your nerves will be at their worst.
• Pause before you speak. Stand up, wait a beat, and watch the room lean in. It looks like confidence, and it buys you a second to breathe.

Stuck for a line? Our best man speech jokes and one-liners page has plenty.

How should I end a best man speech? (Quotes for the toast)

A quote at the end of the speech makes you look well read, even if the last book you finished had pictures in it. By the time you get to the toast the room has warmed to you, so they are ready for a bit of wisdom. Borrow one of these and swap in your own couple.

1. [Groom], my best friend, some words of advice in the form of a wise old poem. To keep a marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, when you are wrong, admit it, and when you are right, shut up. To [Groom] and [Bride].
2. Before I offer a toast to [Groom] and [Bride], I’d like to leave you with one thought: you don’t marry someone you can live with, you marry someone you can’t live without. In this case, these two really have married the right person. To the bride and groom.
3. Here’s to the two things that, without doubt, make a great marriage. Here’s to a good sense of humour, and selective hearing. Ladies and gentlemen, the bride and groom.
4. To finish with some words from the bard: ‘Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.’ So, you two, I hope your marriage is full of intermittent drizzle, followed by days of blistering heat. To the bride and groom.
5. I’d like to round off now with the words of a wiser man than I, Timothy Titcomb, who said ‘The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman’s heart.’ This couldn’t be more true when I look at [Groom] and [Bride]. Ladies and gentlemen, to the bride and groom.
6. In closing, I’d like to leave you with a traditional African saying: ‘May your love be like the misty rain, gentle coming in but flooding the river.’ Ladies and gentlemen, the bride and groom.
7. St Augustine once said ‘Inasmuch as love grows in you, so beauty grows. For love is the beauty of the soul.’ It may be old, but I’m sure you’ll agree it’s still relevant today, and none more so than with [Groom] and [Bride]. Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in one last toast, to the bride and groom, those most beautiful souls, [Groom] and [Bride].
8. A wise man by the name of Antoine de Saint-Exupery once said ‘Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.’ Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the bride and groom.
9. I’d like to end with a quote from the poet Kahlil Gibran, who said ‘Marriage is like a golden ring in a chain, whose beginning is a glance and whose ending is an eternity.’ Today we celebrate that marriage. Please join me in one final toast, to the bride and groom, [Groom] and [Bride].
10. Walt Whitman, the American poet, once said of marriage ‘The strongest and sweetest songs yet remain to be sung.’ Here’s to the start of even sweeter times, here’s to the bride and groom. To [Groom] and [Bride].
11. Nikki Giovanni, the poet and writer, once said ‘We love because it’s the only true adventure.’ Ladies and gentlemen, please raise your glasses, and let’s drink to adventure. To [Groom] and [Bride].
12. And now all I have left to do is to say what a privilege it is to ask everyone here to charge their glasses and, for those of you who still can, to rise to your feet. Ladies and gentlemen, the bride and groom.

Want a laugh before the toast instead? Pinch a closing line from our best man speech jokes.

Should I speak to the bride about the speech?

Absolutely! Not only will she have good material, she will also be able to fill you in on the important biographical information about their relationship that you might not know. You should find out where they met, how they became a couple, what sort of things they enjoy doing (without getting graphical!) and how the groom proposed – whether he made a mess of it or if he was sweet about it.

Where do I get the content for stories?

The more people you can get to help with your speech the better it will be. As the best man you will probably have two or three good stories that demonstrate what sort of bloke the groom is. But once you speak to other people connected to him you could end up with 10 or 11 good stories to choose from.

Don’t forget to include your fellow stags (pass a notebook round at the stag-do, or post stag emails), colleagues from his work, his parents and brothers and sisters, notable people from other places in his life such as people on the same sports teams or in the same societies.

Good questions to ask these people are: what classic stories can you tell me about him? How would you sum up the groom? Has he ever said anything particularly funny? What is he well-known for? What makes him angry? Do they have any funny photos or material that they could send to you connected to the groom?

What tone should I go for?

Not every story has to be funny. A couple that show the groom is a decent bloke will reassure the bride’s father that his new son-in-law isn’t as bad as he feared. Just sprinkle the nice stuff in amongst the dirt, because you don’t want to make it too easy for him.

The tone depends on you as much as the audience. If public speaking isn’t your thing, keep it short and sweet; nobody has ever begrudged a best man for finishing early. If you are a born performer, you can afford a longer run of anecdotes. Then look hard at who is coming. A young crowd on a free bar will lap up the tales of his difficult teenage years. A room of churchgoing relatives would rather not hear about his run-ins with the law or his browsing history. Work this out now, not in your head during the ceremony.

Should I use additional materials such as photos, video etc?

If you have a lot of photos and videos that you want to use then you need to prepare well in advance. For instance you need to make sure that the venue you are going to has the correct audio-visual equipment for you to use.

Try and simplify things where possible – print out the photos onto a sheet of paper which you can distribute to the tables rather than projecting them. If you are using video then you need at least one rehearsal in the venue before the big day, to make sure you know how loud the video is, how to control the equipment and so on.

• When writing your speech use a 12 point Arial font, which is formatted to have 1.5 line spacing as this is one of the easiest fonts to read when stood up.
• If you do this each page when read out should last approximately one and a half minutes.
• If you’d rather write your speech onto cue cards then that’s fine but it’s better to have a copy of the speech with you written in full on the day just in case your mind goes blank.
• Don’t forget, your sweat-stained, note-covered speech makes a really nice keepsake/present. If you’re the best man or father of the bride why not offer to frame all the speeches and, presto, you’ve got a simple, but incredibly thoughtful gift.

Stop writing a decent amount of time before the actual wedding (at least a week or so) as you’ll doubtless have plenty else to deal with in the run-up to the big day itself and you won’t want to rush to finish the speech the night before.

Should I share it with anyone before the big day?

Sharing with one or two close confidants who you can rely on to keep the content under wraps is a good idea so you can test drive the material. This is a common method used by stand up comedians and musicians do see how their new material is received. So if it works for McKintyre then that’s good enough for us! It’ll also help you fish out anything that could be taken the wrong way before its too late. All in all it helps determine if you’re on the right track or not.

Should I rehearse it out loud in advance?

Yes! The rule of thumb is to read out and practice your speech from start to finish a minimum of three times. It’s amazing how differently some things can sound when read out loud than when written down and you don’t want to find that out for the first time in front of a wider audience. Practicing it this many times will also help you become much more familiar with the material and so when you’re reading it out on the day you may get to the point when you refer to it rather than read it word for word.

Do I need to learn the speech off by heart?

You don’t have to no, but it looks and sounds more natural if can do so by to avoid reading from a piece of paper. If you know the material well it will allow you to project your voice out towards the audience rather than down at what you’re reading. It will also allow you to look around the room which means you’ll come across as more engaging. Finally if you know the speech well it will help you overcome any nerves. If you know it well you can go in to auto pilot and not have to worry about keeping your place on the page.

Our advice is take it to bed and practice reading it out loud to yourself. “I took mine to bed and read it before I went to sleep for a fortnight before the wedding day, and it really helped me.”

Should I drink on the day to calm my nerves?

For those of us who have had the experience of seeing a best man drunk let us be clear – it is not a pretty sight. Our advice is moderate your drinking and air on the side of caution. Many best men nowadays have little more than glass of champagne at the reception before making their speech to ensure they’re at their best. So in short, retrain yourself from the booze until the speech is delivered, after which you can reward your good efforts till your hearts content.

How can I make my speech stand out?

In an era of social media and video on demand, best men are under more pressure than ever to do something different. It’s not easy, but it can be done. Here are seven ideas, from the simple to the seriously ambitious:

• Use a theme. If the groom has a real passion, like action films, golf or Manchester United, particularly one he shares with his wife-to-be, run it through the whole speech. The ‘callback’ is your friend here: revisit something you mentioned earlier for a second laugh. Talked about how organised the groom is? Round off with his schedule for the day: ‘6pm end of afternoon reception, 7.30pm evening reception starts, 10pm upstairs to consummate the marriage, 10.02pm go to sleep.’
• Sing it. If you have the nerve and the musical ability, take the tune of a famous song and write your own lyrics about the bride and groom. Done well, it has the room ‘ahhhing’ one minute and roaring the next, but it takes hours of practice. McFly’s Tom Fletcher set the bar (admittedly he does this for a living), Daniel Buccheri had most of the room in tears, and this one is a more realistic benchmark for those of us who occasionally strum a guitar.
• Create a big surprise. High risk, high reward. One maid of honour spent months campaigning on social media until Gary Barlow, her friend’s lifelong idol, turned up and sang at the wedding. Watch her reaction. Famous faces have since realised a wedding appearance is good publicity, so it’s more achievable than you might think. Work out what the groom REALLY wants and draw up a plan to get it.
• Direct a daring stunt. Tell the room disaster has struck and you’ve left the speech behind, dash out, then the lights dim and your film begins. This is the top tier of best man speeches and takes a lot of time, effort and money. See this one and this one, and read the advice on photos and video above before you start.
• Get the audience involved. Tell part of a story about the groom and let the guests vote on how it ended, with one true answer and the rest as ridiculous as you like. Coloured cards work, or if budget allows, hand out voting pads for a proper Who Wants to be a Millionaire moment.
• Stage a live performance. At a signal only your team knows, break into what looks like an off-the-cuff dance. It will have been diligently rehearsed, of course. For the truly ambitious, turn the whole speech into a West End musical. Here’s how good it can be, and another.
• Rope in an unlikely sponsor. One best man, Thom, contacted Pornhub about his mate Danny, and they happily recorded a tribute to the groom that stayed on the right side of the line. Companies have a lot to gain from the publicity, so don’t be shy about asking.

What do best men wish they’d done differently?

We asked Dave Armstrong, best man to his uni mate Clive, to look back on the job. The best part, he said, was the end: “When it was all over, there was a mix of relief and euphoria that it didn’t bomb!” The worst was the night before, still tinkering with the speech as the guests arrived. His lessons:

• Get the outline down early. “I went straight in to the detail rather than create a framework. In the absence of an outline it was difficult to piece together the different anecdotes and for a time I found myself going round in circles.” He reckons 4 to 6 weeks before is about right to have it nailed.
• Write everything down, then cut. He gathered every story he could, including from the groom’s school friends on the stag do, ended up with a speech far too long, then edited it down for quality and running order.
• Rehearse more. “It went pretty well but I think I could have improved it by around 15-20% with a bit more rehearsal.”
• Sort the groom’s gift in time. “I would have liked to have bought a hip flask and shared a drink before the ceremony.” There was half an hour before the guests arrived when it was just the two of them, and the perfect moment for it. See our gifts for the groom.
• Structure the stag do. His big group splintered on the Friday night, which made Saturday hard work. Next time he’d send everyone the full itinerary, with addresses and phone numbers, to save taking a pile of calls in Amsterdam.

His advice to anyone new to the role: understand the groom’s expectations from the start, write the speech early, take a few soundings on it, and when the chance comes, take a moment to enjoy it with your best friend.

What are the classic mistakes to avoid?

The Pope’s Catholic. Bears do their business in the woods. Some things in life are just that obvious, and you’d think ‘don’t mention the ex’ would be one of them, but you’d be surprised. These are the mistakes best men make time and time again:

• Improvising. A lot of the ‘improv’ in stand-up routines is actually scripted, because winging it is too risky and can throw comedians off a well-practised routine. If the pros don’t do it, take their lead. Keep to the script and you won’t blurt out something you shouldn’t.
• Assassinating the groom. This is the most common reason speeches don’t land. Nobody plans to cause offence; they just misjudge where the line is. What you find funny, Auntie Maureen may not. If you’re worried a story is risky, run it past someone outside your own group of mates, like your other half, a colleague or a relative. The lads will find it funny, but they aren’t the ones at risk of being offended.
• Sexual gags. Remember sitting through a sex scene on TV with your parents in the room? Telling a shag gag to a room of parents and grandparents brings back that same cringe. A bit of implied smut is fine, but save anything more explicit for the boozer on a Friday night.
• Mentioning the ex or a previous marriage. One best man thanked the groom for letting him do the job for a second time, and joked that he was the only man he knew to be single at his own stag do (the first engagement had ended just before the stag weekend, which went ahead anyway). Tumbleweed. The speech was the talking point of the evening for all the wrong reasons. Mention an ex and you’re playing with fire.
• Money. ‘I know I shouldn’t mention this, but it’s great that your new wife is rich.’ Yep, someone actually said that, to over 100 people. Money is a sensitive subject, and using it as a punchline can backfire.
• Stag do stories. What goes on tour stays on tour, and not only for the obvious reasons. Stag stories only work for the handful of people who were there, and your speech needs to work for everyone in the room.

Best man speech etiquette: what you must do

The don’ts above get all the attention, but there is a short list of things a best man speech has to include, however funny the rest of it is.

• Make it heartfelt. Funny stories, teasing and a gentle mocking of the groom are all fine, as long as the room can tell it all comes from genuine affection.
• Be nice to the bride. She will always look gorgeous. No exceptions.
• Do the formal bits. Thank the hosts, respond to the toast on behalf of the bridesmaids, read out any messages from people who couldn’t make it, and finish with a toast to the bride and groom. Our order of wedding speeches page explains where each of these fits.

Want to see what happens when people ignore all this? Have a read of the worst best man speeches ever given.

What other advice can you give me?

The classic mistake people make is to try and write the perfect speech at the beginning, don’t. Just complete it and then refine it. It’s so much easier to re-write something than it is to write it. Good luck.