Stag Do Pranks and Jokes

There was a day, when the stag do was more of a stag night and any prank a bit of tom foolery. Now, as with the stag do itself, stag do pranks have got ever more elaborate turning in to fully orchestrated events. Tradition dictates the stag should suffer some form of ceremonial humiliation but what should that be? And how far should it go?

In our experience there is a continuum – a stag do prankometer if you will. On one side, in keeping with the good old days there is a small set piece or spot of embarrassment for the soon to be attached stag, on the other a full-on exercise involving third parties, cover stories and a degree of organisation.

In this article we run from one end of the stag do prankometer to the other to arm you with a few ideas. As the Best Man, we have every faith that you’ll pick the one most appropriate for your stag.

The Korma – Stag Do Dares

At the tamest end of the stag do prankometer is the humble dare. No particular forethought or preparation is required here, it’s just a good old fashioned task that will cause the stag a bit of humiliation. Below are a few basic ones but if you’re looking for some additional material check out our stag do dares section.

• Make the stag talk to a girl for two minutes and pretend he is American. He has to finish each sentence with “dude” and say “awesome” more than five times
• Brainstorm the worst chat up line every heard by a member of the stag party and get the stag to use it on at least one women. For what it’s worth here’s ours: “Can I lick the plaque off your teeth?”
• The stag can only hop from one pub to the next
• Pants to be worn on the outside of his trousers
• The stag must wear shoes on his hands and clap to music for fifteen minutes
• Preach on a busy street corner for 15 minutes

The Curry – Stag Do Costumes

Slightly more humiliating on the stag do prankometer and a common choice on many stag dos these days is fancy dress. Below are some of the more popular categories.

The Mankini

Following the success of Borat, one of the most current stag do costumes is the Mankini! Brought to notoriety by Borat, the infamous lime green one piece bathing suit gained a reputation for being somewhat offensive and causing ‘alarm and distress’ according to the Met Police!

In our view, whilst the mankini is somewhat close to the bone, if you’ll pardon the pun, it’s got nothing on the ‘dick sling’ as modelled, with a certain sense of pride, by the brave chap below.

And you thought the Mankini was bad! Welcome to…the dick sling…

One final word on mankinis. Such is their offensiveness to some, that certain towns, notably Newquay, have made them a public order offence, taking what they describe as a ‘zero-tolerance approach to risqué fancy dress’! Supt Julie Whitmarsh takes a particularly dim view: “The Mankini is what we term ‘offensive clothing’, so we won’t accept people wearing them. They are just hideous.”

The Morph Suit

If the mankini leaves one exposed, the morph suit does quite the opposite, covering the stag from head to toe in lycra! Inspired by Japanese ‘zentai suits’ the morph suit was the brainchild of three enterprising Scotsmen who found the outfit to be a complete showstopper when donned on a night out. Since their inception in 2009 morph suits have gained huge popularity at sporting events, festivals and of course stag dos. And it’s easy to see why – they come in an almost limitless number of designs, are pretty affordable and not particularly offensive.

We contacted the Newquay Constabulary Press Office to ask for the view of Ms Whitmarsh but she was unavailable for comment at the time of going to press. Our suspicion is that she thinks it infantile but less offensive than a mankini but who knows.

If the mankini or morphsuit don’t tickle your fancy you could go down the ball and chain, superhero or Baywatch route. We’ve compared the price of different fancy dress providers in our stag do costume section.

The Biryani  – Fake Tan

The trend for fake tan has never been greater thanks to the baffling success of The Only Way is Essex. Take the theme of TOWIE and turn the stag a bright shade of orange. This tends to be more amusing if he’s the only one wearing it so the punters think he’s properly vain!

A few of the lads at the Umpa Lumpa auditions

 The Jalfrazi – Girl Toy in Bag

If you’re going away abroad then good gag is the old dildo in the bag routine! A quick tip off to a friendly looking customs official and the stag can find himself rather ashen looking in a bid to try and explain himself!

The Curry – Viagra

Next on the stag do prankometer is slipping the unsuspecting groom-to-be that famous blue pill. The discomfort of wandering around with a steaming great wood has amused many a stag party but we wouldn’t be taking our responsibilities seriously if we didn’t caveat this one with a health warning – in isolated cases Viagra has been known to kill. So there you go.

The Boona – The Strip

This is stripping of a different nature and involves a great deal more pain! The concept is low cost and pretty easy to do. Get some waxing strips, and get five girls to select anywhere on our man they’d like to apply, and then remove! Simple, easy, painful, amusing. Ticks most of the boxes for a stag do prank. All going well, it’ll end up something like this…

The Madras – Public Humiliation

Next up is a set piece that requires a little more effort. Hire yourself a caged trailor, (unless you own one in which case, that’s very handy) put the stag in a fancy dress outfit of your choice and parade him around a very crowded pedestrian area for as long as you see fit! If you’re feeling particularly uncharitable then you can hand out eggs, flour, tomatoes or any other unpleasantry and invite the punters to target practice!

The Vindaloo – Dwarf

A relatively new stag do prank is Smurf Siamese. This involves the stag being handcuffed to a dwarf dressed a smurf for the entire duration of the stag do. That means toilet breaks, sleeping and anything else is accompanied! Yes, there are companies that offer this service and little people willing to do it.  Such is the rising popularity of this stag do prank that it’s catching on in celebrity circles. JLS warbler Marvin Humes had one on his Vegas stag do in May courtesy of band mate Oristse Williams, where the new side kick announced he was his “bitch for the day”. Hmmm.

 The Curry Hell – Kidnap

One of the more extreme stag do activities, kidnapping usually takes place abroad, in Eastern bloc countries, as they’re the only ones with a legal system lax enough for it to happen no questions asked! The set piece goes something like this: your stag party is stopped in transit by the police and all members are asked to produce their passports. The unsuspecting stag is singled out as not having the appropriate documentation and is taken away for questioning. Lots of shouting, false accusations and finger pointing later the perpetrators reveal their true identity as hoaxsters and the stag narrowly avoids a coronary much to the amusement of the party. On the plus side he will often be treated to a lapdance and vodka shortly after but many are not quite in the frame of mind to enjoy the experience after the stresses of the previous hour or so.

As with Viagra this one comes with a health warning. We have heard a number of stories of this particular stag do prank not being well received by the stag or his other half! You also need to be careful if you’re going to stage it yourself as some stag do pranksters in Gloucester found out when they were reported to the police.

So there you have it. One side of the stag do prank continuum to the other. We’re always keen to hear stories of other stag do pranks so if you’ve come across any not detailed here which you think are funny. Please let us know in the comments section below.