Cologne Stag Do

A Cologne stag do is built around one very clever piece of German engineering, a waiter who keeps bringing you beer until you tell him to stop. That’s the Kölsch system, and it’s the reason I rate this city so highly for stags. It’s smaller and friendlier than Berlin, the old town is easy to walk round, and the locals clearly know how to throw a party (they’ve got a whole carnival season, after all).

There’s a cathedral, too. It’s enormous, it’s right next to the main station, and you’ll use it as a meeting point all weekend when someone inevitably wanders off.

Kölsch is the city’s own beer, light and easy-drinking, served in a small, thin glass called a Stange. The waiters, known as the Köbes, carry them round on a ring-shaped tray and swap your empty for a full one without asking. Every beer gets a mark on your beer mat. When you’ve had enough, put the mat on top of your glass. That’s the only way to make it stop.

You can see where this goes on a stag. My tip is to quietly swap the groom’s mat for the one with the most marks on it. Also, never ask for an Altbier. That’s Düsseldorf’s beer and the rivalry is real.

The traditional brewhouses (Brauhaus) are the place to do it. Früh am Dom sits by the cathedral and is the sprawling old one everyone ends up in eventually, and there are plenty more around the old town. Some of the big ones don’t take bookings, so turn up early on a Friday or Saturday evening with a group your size.

The Altstadt by the Rhine is where most nights start, with brewhouses and bars around the Heumarkt and the riverside. When you want something louder, head for the student area around Zülpicher Straße (the Zülpicher Viertel), which is cheaper and busy until late. The Belgian Quarter (Belgisches Viertel) has the trendier bars, and the Ringe, the big ring road round the centre, is lined with clubs for the late shift. Ehrenfeld is the alternative option if the lads want something with a bit more edge.

A guided pub crawl on night one is a good way to find the best brewhouses before the Kölsch does its work.

A beer tasting is the obvious move, though I’d argue every afternoon in Cologne is a beer tasting. Rhine cruises leave from the old town, and a private boat party turns a sightseeing trip into a proper event. If the group gets competitive after a few, an escape room will show you exactly who’s useless under pressure.

For a bit of culture, climb the cathedral tower. It’s a lot of steps, and the stag goes first. The Chocolate Museum by the river is there for anyone who needs sugar, and a walk over the Hohenzollern Bridge, covered in love locks, is a nice moment to remind the stag what he’s signed up for.

• Carnival. The season officially opens on 11 November, and the street carnival takes over the city in the days before Lent, usually in February. Everyone’s in fancy dress, so pack some stag do costumes. It’s brilliant, but it’s rammed, and the Zülpicher Straße area can close to new arrivals when it fills up. Book early.
• Fancy dress the rest of the year. Fine. Brewhouses are used to groups, just keep it decent.
• Getting there. Cologne Bonn Airport has flights from several UK airports, and Düsseldorf is close by too. Trains pull into the main station right next to the cathedral.
• Getting about. The old town is walkable, and trams and the U-Bahn link up the nightlife areas.
• Drinking outside. Germany is fairly relaxed about it, but keep the noise down near homes and follow any signs, especially at carnival.
• ID. Carry your passport or photo ID for the clubs.

Cologne packages will appear below as UK stag companies add them. For a bigger German city, compare it with Berlin or Munich. Either way, a Cologne stag weekend won’t leave anyone thirsty.

I’d base the group in or near the Altstadt. The brewhouses and bars round the Heumarkt and the Rhine are where most nights start, Früh am Dom is by the cathedral, and the Rhine cruises leave from the old town, so you can walk to almost everything. It also keeps you close to the main station if you’re coming in by train from Cologne Bonn or Düsseldorf.

If the lads are more about the late shift than the Kölsch, look towards the Ringe, the ring road lined with clubs, or the Zülpicher Viertel, which is cheaper and busy until late. The Belgisches Viertel suits a group that wants trendier bars on the doorstep. The old town is walkable and trams and the U-Bahn link the nightlife areas, so nobody is stranded wherever you land.

Practical tip: if your dates fall in carnival, book beds first. The city is rammed, and the Zülpicher Straße area can close to new arrivals when it fills up.

Friday Arrive at the main station, dump the bags and meet at the cathedral, which is your rally point for the whole weekend. Get to Früh am Dom early, because some of the big brewhouses don’t take bookings, and let the Köbes do his thing. Explain the beer mat rule to everyone except the stag.

Saturday Make the stag climb the cathedral tower first thing. It’s a lot of steps and he goes first. Walk it off over the Hohenzollern Bridge and its love locks, and send anyone who needs sugar to the Chocolate Museum by the river. In the afternoon, get on a Rhine cruise from the old town, ideally a private boat party so it’s your boat and your rules. For the night, start in the Altstadt round the Heumarkt, move on to the Zülpicher Viertel when you want it louder, and finish on the Ringe once the clubs open for the late shift. Carry your passport or photo ID, and never, ever ask for an Altbier.

Sunday A slow one. Back to the Altstadt by the Rhine for food and a gentle Stange or two, and this time put the mat on top of your glass after the first one. Keep the noise down near homes on the walk back. Then it’s the train to the airport and a quiet word with the stag about his mat.