Who to put on the guest list would seem to be the least of things to worry about when it comes to stag weekends. Get all the blokes the groom-to-be is closest to, plus a few hangers-on if the numbers need boosting, and away you go.
However, while it’s easy to sort out who the stag’s mates are and assume they will generally share common ages and interests, his ‘must invite’ list normally includes family too. And with this lot potentially including dad, father-in-law, brothers and even cousins, uncles and grandpa, suddenly a stag do to please all is much more difficult to get right.
So what to do with this stag do generation game? Invite all and sundry? No family members? Just some, and keep it secret from the others? Sadly, there’s no hard and fast answer to suit all occasions, but here’s a three-point plan with a few thoughts and stories to consider.
1. Are oldies goldies?
First up, that political hot potato: should the oldies get invited along?
The first obvious step is to discuss it with the groom. He’ll know who he definitely wants there, and there’s your starting point, but also where the problems can begin. To take a common example, as much as no one begrudges the groom’s dad the right to witness his son’s last night of freedom, is he going to want to get sprayed with paintballs by day and drink till he pukes by night? Furthermore, what’s he going to make of the inevitable pissed-up stupidity as the night progresses? Then there’s the issue of strippers, and what they may do to the groom.
Paul, 33, explains what happened on a multi-generation stag do he went on.
He said: “We went to a strip club and a load of us put in some money and asked if the groom could be taken on stage and embarrassed a bit.
“It was fine until one of the strippers pulled his pants down and started whipping his ass. Then his dad got up, ran on to the stage and pulled the stripper off him and shouted at her to leave him alone and that she should be ashamed of herself. We quickly left after that.”
This is a genuinely true story. To be fair to the old fella involved, who would want a dad that was perfectly comfortable watching his son’s naked bottom get whipped? But it does raise a couple of issues.
Firstly, it’s an idea, even for the evening’s entertainment, to have segments to the stag do. There’s plenty of time for debauchery, so there’s nothing wrong with the early part of the night, say till 10 or 11pm, being relatively civilised. A meal, a pool bar or even just a pub to start getting drunk in can meet everyone’s requirements. Afterwards, the older generation, who may be ready to call it a night anyway, can go home feeling like they’ve been included and had a decent night out. Then everyone else can get well and truly slaughtered, or violently whipped if that’s your thing.
Secondly, dad won’t feel (or look) so out of place if there’s someone else from his generation there. The father-in-law-to-be or a favourite uncle is probably the best sidekick. It just makes everyone feel more comfortable: dad because he has someone else to relate to, the youngsters because there’s not quite so much pressure to always think ‘is Mr (insert surname) feeling included?’
The daytime also needs some thought, depending on how active any older members of the party are. But there are ways and means. For example, if you’re having a football tournament, dad (or dad-in-law) may not be able to strut around the pitch like he once could, but he could play ref, which, providing he’s not from the Graham Poll school of officiating, is likely to include him in the good-natured banter. Not every activity has a similar option but, with a bit of consideration, many do.
2. Too much, too young?
Next: should you risk taking along younger brothers or cousins? Often it’s not a problem, as usually they are of a roughly similar age. But sometimes you could have a 15 or 16-year-old on your hands, which if anything is more tricky.
While older folk may feel out of place, they will want to mix, whereas many teens are at best awkward and at worst sulky. The one advantage you have is that, however uncool your group, the youngsters will look up to you simply because you can buy booze without worrying about ID.
As much as we all like to see people make complete fools of themselves, the quickest way to ensure a ruined stag do is to have a laissez-faire attitude to underage drinking. Bars and cops tend to take a dim view of it, and a 15-year-old being carried home at 8.30pm covered in his own vomit also puts a guilty downer on the rest of the night.
While daytime activities should be no problem for youngsters, the groom should be encouraged to lay down ground rules for the evening. Again, a segmented night, possibly starting with a meal or a pool bar, will allow them to feel part of the stag do while not spoiling anyone’s fun. But depending on how old little brother is, drinking in bars and pubs may have to be ruled out, as might going in some bars at all.
Ringing ahead to check on an individual pub or bar’s policy is the easy way round this. And while little brother will be chomping at the bit to discover the holy grail of strip clubs and nightclubs, he needs to know from the outset that this will not be an option. Even leaving the legalities aside, you just don’t want to be responsible for a child’s welfare at the business end of a drinking session.
Alex, 35, provides a cautionary tale involving his brother, then 16. It happened when little bro came to visit him at uni rather than on a stag do, but it shows the dangers of taking on too much, too young.
Alex said: “I said at the start of the night pace yourself and don’t go mad, but with encouragement from my mates, who should have known better than to take advantage of his eagerness to impress, he drank like it was a race.
“It was a miracle we were even let into the club but once inside he paid the price. He threw up everywhere: in his drink, on the floor, in the bog, over a girl on the way to the bog.
“I had no option but to take him home, but he then sat down outside the club, puked again, then as a final indignity wiped his mouth on the wall.
“Amazingly, I got him home, stripped him and put him to bed. His clothes and trainers were covered in sick so they all went in the wash. The next morning his trainers had shrunk four sizes and run, dyeing all his clothes blue. My mum was livid.”
3. The best of both worlds?
So while it will be for different reasons, those at opposite ends of the age range will probably toddle off home at a similar time. And in truth, that is probably a sign of the best policy for the stag do generation game. If there are potentially young and old guests, it kind of makes sense to invite both sets rather than just one.
The likelihood is each of them will be among the few people the other one already knows. And as youngsters will need a little babysitting, it’s best to have someone there responsible enough to do it.
There are pitfalls, and some people prefer to keep things simple with the age range. The obvious advantage to this is that it’s the most likely way to ensure a stag party where everyone has a similar mindset.
But that’s not always an option, and if done right there’s no reason why you can’t play the stag do generation game and be a winner. The key is to be upfront about what’s in store on the stag weekend and, if the older or younger members of the party still want to (or are allowed to) go, consider how your mate’s last night of freedom can contain something for everyone.
