Caving Stag Do

A caving stag do means pulling on a baggy oversuit, a helmet and a head torch, then following an instructor into a hole in a hillside. You crawl, squeeze, wade and clamber through passages that haven’t seen daylight in a very long time. You come out muddy and soaked, grinning like idiots. Then you go to the pub.

I rate it because it’s properly different. Most of the lads will never have done it, so everyone starts at the same level, which is hopeless. There’s a lot of helping each other through tight bits and plenty of nervous laughter in the dark. There’s usually a moment where someone gets briefly wedged and the whole group has to talk him out, and you’ll want that in the speech.

The UK has some brilliant caving country, and these are the classic areas.

• Yorkshire Dales. Limestone country riddled with caves, and handy for a night out in Leeds or York.
• Mendips. In Somerset, close enough to pair with Bristol or Bath.
• South Wales. Some of the biggest cave systems in the country, and a short hop to Cardiff for the evening.
• Peak District. Central for most groups, with caving, climbing and walking all in one place.

On a stag do, caving is always done with qualified instructors. They know the routes, they keep an eye on the weather (caves can flood after heavy rain) and they’ll pick a trip that suits your group. Leave the heroics to them.

• What to wear. Most providers lend you an oversuit, helmet and lamp. Wear old sportswear or thermals underneath, and boots or wellies you don’t care about.
• Bring a full change of clothes. And a towel. And a bag for the wet stuff. Nobody wants to sit in the minibus as they are.
• No drinking beforehand. Tight squeezes and a hangover don’t mix. Save it for later, when you’ll have a thirst like you’ve never known.
• Be honest about claustrophobia. If someone really hates tight spaces, tell the instructor early. Trips can usually be adjusted, and nobody should be marched into a squeeze against their will.
• Group size. Instructors take small groups underground, so bigger parties are usually split into teams.

If the lads enjoy getting wet and filthy, they’ll love gorge walking or coasteering, which are often run by the same outdoor centres. For a gentler second day, a hike over the top of the hills you’ve just been inside is a nice touch. Then a big pub lunch. Then a nap.

I’d book a cottage or bunkhouse near the caves rather than a city hotel. You’ll be tired, you’ll be muddy, and having a log fire and a fridge full of beer ten minutes from the cave is worth more than any nightclub.