Who speaks first at a wedding? It’s one of those questions nobody thinks about until the venue coordinator asks, and suddenly the father of the bride, the groom and the best man are all looking at each other. Here’s the traditional order of wedding speeches in the UK, who says what, and how couples are mixing it up these days.
The traditional order of wedding speeches
In a traditional British wedding, there are three speeches, and they go in this order:
- The father of the bride. Traditionally the host, he goes first. He welcomes everyone, says a few words about his daughter, welcomes the groom into the family and finishes with a toast to the bride and groom.
- The groom. He thanks the father of the bride for his speech, thanks everyone for coming and anyone who helped with the wedding, says something lovely about his new wife and thanks the bridesmaids. He usually finishes with a toast to the bridesmaids.
- The best man. The headline act. He thanks the groom on behalf of the bridesmaids, tells a few stories about the groom (the printable ones), reads out any messages from people who couldn’t make it and finishes with a toast to the bride and groom.
The best man goes last for a reason: the room is warmed up, the formalities are done and everyone is ready to laugh. No pressure.
When do the speeches happen?
Traditionally, the speeches come after the wedding breakfast, once the plates have been cleared and before the cake is cut. Plenty of couples now have them before the meal instead, so the speakers can actually enjoy their dinner rather than staring at their notes between courses. Some spread them out between courses. There’s no wrong answer, so check with the couple and the venue on the day’s running order.
If there’s a toastmaster or master of ceremonies, they’ll introduce each speaker. If not, the best man often takes on the job of hosting.
Who else might give a speech?
Modern weddings don’t always stick to the traditional three. It’s increasingly common to hear from:
- The bride. Often straight after the groom, or with him as a joint speech.
- The maid of honour. Usually alongside or after the best man.
- Two best men. Either one after the other or as a double act. Rehearse the handover.
- The mother of the bride, or both sets of parents. Particularly when both families are hosting or paying for the day.
A common modern order is: father of the bride (or whoever is hosting), the couple, the maid of honour, then the best man. Whatever the order, the best man usually still closes the speeches.
How long should each speech be?
Shorter than you think. Guests start fidgeting long before the speaker notices, so aim for around five minutes for the father of the bride and the groom, and five to ten minutes for the best man. If there are more speakers, everyone should trim their speech a bit, so the whole thing doesn’t run into the evening.
Tips for the best man
- Know where you’re on. Find out the running order before the day, so you’re not caught halfway through a pint.
- Listen to the others. If the father of the bride tells the same story you were going to tell, you need a plan B.
- Do the thank-yous. Thanking the groom on behalf of the bridesmaids is part of the job, even if it feels old-fashioned.
- Finish with the toast. Ask everyone to stand, raise their glasses and toast the bride and groom. Then sit down and have a drink. You’ve earned it.
Still writing yours? Start with our best man speech guide, borrow a line from our best man jokes and one-liners, or read some best man speech examples for inspiration.
