Groom Speech: How to Write It, Structure and Examples

Maybe she proposed, maybe you did, and the answer was yes. Lovely. Trouble is, the romance is a million miles away now the practicalities have set in, and one of them is the groom speech. The chances are she isn’t marrying you for your writing skills or public speaking talent, but you want a kiss on your face, not egg. And unlike the best man or the father of the bride, there is no dropping out or last-minute replacement for you. So let’s get it done.

I have sat through a lot of groom speeches (three as the best man waiting to go on next) and the good ones all thank the right people without reading out the phone book, say something real about the bride, and sit down before anyone checks their watch. Here is how.

What the groom speech needs to cover

Contrary to popular belief, it is not just her big day. Your speech is a mixture of function and feeling, thanks and tribute, and the balance is easy to get wrong. Here is the job list.

Reply to the father of the bride

By convention you speak second, after the father of the bride and before the best man (see the order of wedding speeches). He has welcomed you to the family and paid tribute to his daughter. You thank him and her mum for producing such a wonderful daughter and for taking you in. Your first nervous meeting and how things have thawed since is the classic way in. Have a word with him beforehand so you are not telling the same story about her.

Thank the guests and the helpers

Thank everyone for coming, with a nod to anyone who has travelled a long way (three or four of the furthest, no more). Mention absent friends, the close people who have passed away or are too unwell to be there, but do not dwell. Acknowledge, then lift the mood. Then the helpers: the aunt who did the flowers or the cousin who lent the car can be named, and for everyone else, “and everyone who helped make today what it is” does the job. You could go on to thank the caterers, the cleaners and the church cat. Don’t. Please don’t.

Your bride

The main event. How she beguiled you from the start, how she has made you a better person, the qualities that make you love her, and how thankful you are to be walking out of here married. The best man has the roast and her dad has the gushing tribute, so this is the one moment you get to be uncharacteristically warm without it being awkward. Use it.

Thank the bridesmaids and the best man

The bridesmaids look beautiful and have done their duties well (you need not name them all, depending on your bride’s wishes). Pageboys and flower girls get a line about how charming they have been. Ushers get sarcasm about how well they have scrubbed up. Your best man gets a little longer and a little tongue-in-cheek, but no life stories. That is his job, and it is coming up next.

The toast

Traditionally the groom ends with a toast to the bridesmaids, and plenty add one to their new wife. Either way, finish on a toast rather than trailing off. It tells the room you are done.

How long should a groom speech be

Six to ten minutes. Six is enough to do a thorough job, and laughs and ad libs will stretch it on the day. People opt for ten without thinking through how much work it takes to make ten minutes pass without losing pace. You have less flexibility than the other speakers because you have a fixed list of jobs, so the actor’s rule applies: always leave them wanting more.

To time it, read it aloud to a friend who will laugh in the right places, at about two-thirds your normal speed. If you are over, be ruthless. Which stories deserve a longer telling and which can be nipped and tucked? Attention flags fast with stories that are too long or only funny if you were there. You want a hit single, not a double album.

Groom speech structure (template)

You can go your own way, but the conventional groom speech structure has been around for decades and it works. Look at the number of sections, base your speech on no more than ten minutes, and you will see why you have to prioritise.

Link your stories chronologically or by theme (a trait, an odd habit, an obsession) so it reads as one account rather than a pile of anecdotes. And do not make it about you, other than how your life has improved since she turned up. There is plenty about you in the next speech.

Groom speech examples

Two full examples. The first follows the template section by section and ticks every box. The second is for the groom who wants to say what needs saying and sit down. Both are templates: swap the brackets for real names and the placeholder stories for your own.

Full groom speech example

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. I hope by now everyone in this room knows who I am, but just in case, I’m (Groom), (Bride)’s husband, and someone who feels like the luckiest man in the world.

First of all, on behalf of my new wife and I, can I thank everybody for coming. I could have married (Bride) in any place at any time and it still would have been the happiest day of my life. But doing it here, with all the people who mean the most to us, makes it even more special.

Some of you have travelled far, from Australia, Italy, Mexico and even the depths of Suffolk. But wherever you’ve come from, today wouldn’t be the same without you, so I hope you’re all enjoying it as much as we are.

I’d like to give a special mention to (Bride)’s grandfather, (Name). Sadly he can’t be here today, but he was a huge influence in (Bride)’s life and I’ve no doubt he would be very proud of her today.

Thanks of course to the bridesmaids, who look beautiful. They’ve always been a big support to (Bride) and I know it has meant a lot to her to have them by her side today. And I’d like to thank some of our younger guests, who have shown great maturity as they’ve carried out their duties. The pageboys and flower girls have been brilliant and a big part of today’s celebrations. You’ve done us all proud.

There’s also been a few guys who, much to my surprise, have scrubbed up well and look quite pretty themselves. My team of ushers have been a big support, ready to step in should they be needed for anything.

You’ll be hearing from my best man shortly, and if I tell you all what a great friend he has been to me, I’m hoping he’ll prove this right by going easy on me in his speech. Regardless of what he says, he really has been the best of friends. We’ve had many good times, shared a lot of memories and he’s always been there in times of trouble. Always someone who can be relied upon if you need help, and lots of fun into the bargain.

There have been so many people who have helped with our big day that it’s impossible to mention everyone, other than to say thank you to them all. We really are grateful. A special mention though to (Name) for producing the most spectacular of cakes. I’m led to believe these things take ages, so I’ve no idea how long you must have spent on this masterpiece.

I remember the first time I met (Bride)’s parents. I was taking her out, and when I knocked on their door, despite (Bride)’s frantic efforts to get there first, it was they who answered. Her dad said, “Take a good look at my wife, because all daughters turn into their mothers, so that’s what you’ll end up with.” (Bride) was mortified and I was a little taken aback, but it was typical of how, from day one, they’ve been instantly welcoming and taken me in as part of their gang. Thank you both.

And thank you to my own parents. Not just for all your help with this wedding, but for everything you’ve done for me over the years. Parents are the single biggest influence in their children’s lives and I wouldn’t be who I am now without all their help, support and guidance. So thank you, Mum and Dad.

But the most important person here today is of course the bride. (Bride), you look beautiful every day, but today you took my breath away. I love the way that whatever life throws at you, things never get you down. I love how you always put others before yourself. I love that when we argue we are laughing again a few minutes later. I love how we find things funny that no one else would. And most of all, I love that we will now get to spend the rest of our lives as husband and wife.

So ladies and gentlemen, please stand and raise your glasses. To the bridesmaids, and to my beautiful wife!

Short groom speech example

Good afternoon everyone. For those who don’t know me, I’m (Groom), and as of about two hours ago, (Bride)’s husband. On behalf of my wife and I, thank you all for being here. We could have done this anywhere, but doing it with the people who mean the most to us is what makes today.

Thank you to the bridesmaids, who look beautiful and have been a huge support to (Bride), and to the ushers, who have scrubbed up far better than any of us expected. To my best man, (Name): you’ll be hearing from him in a minute, so I’ll just say he has been the best of friends to me, and I’m hoping that saying so publicly buys me some mercy.

To (Bride)’s parents, thank you for welcoming me into your family from day one, and for raising the woman standing next to me. To my own mum and dad, thank you for everything you’ve done to get me here, and for all your help with today. I wouldn’t be who I am without you.

And to (Bride). You look beautiful every day, but today you took my breath away. I love that when we argue we’re laughing again five minutes later, and I love that we now get to spend the rest of our lives as husband and wife.

Please raise your glasses. To the bridesmaids, and to my wife!

Groom speech jokes and ideas

The best man has the roast. Your humour is laugh with, not laugh at, and the audience is children, grandparents and colleagues, not the stag do. Keep it clean and clever; if a joke is risqué, allude rather than spell it out. Some lines and ideas that have worked:

• The travellers gag. List the glamorous places guests have come from and finish with the least glamorous: “from Australia, Italy, Mexico and even the depths of Suffolk.”
• The father-in-law’s warning. “Take a good look at my wife, because all daughters turn into their mothers, so that’s what you’ll end up with.” A real line from a real dad.
• The ushers. “A few guys who, much to my surprise, have scrubbed up well and look quite pretty themselves.”
• Bribing the best man. “If I tell you all what a great friend he has been to me, I’m hoping he’ll prove this right by going easy on me.”
• Props. A blown-up photo, her favourite childhood toy or something daft she made at school can bring a story to life. Check the venue actually has a screen before you plan around one.
• One quote, used once. Not “even the cake is in tiers”, which was brilliant once and is a cliché now. A less-worn one: “I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you” (often credited to Elizabeth Barrett Browning).
• Song lyrics. A line from a band that means something to you both, or a play on their song titles. Nobody has heard it in this context.

Do not get jokes off the internet. People will have heard them and you will look lazy. For getting a laugh without nicking one, see how to be funny.

Groom speech for a same-sex wedding (two grooms)

A same-sex wedding relieves you of some of the shackles of tradition. Make the most of that, or follow the conventions. It comes down to reading the room, and one of our writers learnt that the hard way. His first speech at a gay wedding was as a last-minute replacement best man for a colleague he barely knew. He never discussed tone with the couple, assumed it would all be feather boas and innuendo, and croaked through a slew of double entendres while the tumbleweed rolled past a very dry family and their elderly relatives. “Never mind” is not what you want to hear after a speech. Twenty years later, at his own wedding, everyone wanted outrageous humour, his husband did not want to speak, and he had a blast. Same writer, two very different rooms.

• Who speaks? Just you, both of you, or a joint effort? One best man or two? Both sets of parents? With more speeches than usual you may want to rearrange the order, take a break, or scale back the timings.
• Divide the thanks. If you are both speaking, agree who thanks whom without giving away your material.
• The first married hello. “My husband and I” is something of a must and a guaranteed crowd pleaser.
• The structure stands. Guests, absent friends, best man or best woman, bridesmaids or groomsmaids, ushers, any children, in-laws, your parents, then your husband: how you fell in love, how he has improved your life, and how thrilled you are to face the world as a married couple.
• Tone. A family event with relatives you do not want to offend, or a room expecting Graham Norton? Two-tiered jokes work for both, and swearing and graphic references make people awkward regardless.

A joint speech with the bride

More couples are speaking together, and done right there are plenty of plaudits to go round. We call it the Ant and Dec principle: there are two of you, so you damn well should be twice as good. The key is rapport, and rapport comes from teamwork.

Sit down together, ideally in the pub with a notepad, and have a good chinwag. “Do you remember when…” and “oh yes, and then you did…” and you will have more material than you need. Then find a theme. Always late for everything? One of you dithers over every decision? Share a profession? Two solicitors can lace a speech with legal language; two bakers can liken the relationship to getting a cake to come together. A theme turns a list into a speech.

Keep the hand-overs sharp. Speak in short bursts rather than taking turns at length. One sets up the punchline, the other delivers it. It keeps the pace up, and while your partner is talking you can sneak a look at your next line so you speak it rather than read it. Look at each other as well as the room. When writing, sort the material into must include, standby and binned, then either both draft to the plan and blend, or write it together taking turns at the keyboard. One person drafting and the other editing it to death is the option most likely to cause a row.

Two speakers does not mean double the length. Seven to eight minutes is the starting point, twelve to fourteen is fine if the material is there. Align your pace (odd if one of you is slow and the other is doing 100mph), and do not get competitive about who is funnier. You are a team.

Tips

• Liaise with your best man. He will not tell you what is coming for you, but check you are not covering the same ground.
• Do not thank the world. The biggest danger in a groom speech. We have all seen tedious Oscar speeches.
• Do not get choked up on purpose. No long eulogies to absent friends. If there is a heavy moment, a lighter one follows.
• Nothing about exes, run-ins with the law or your sexual adventures. That is the best man’s licence, not yours. Steer clear of anything awkward about how you met.
• The golden rule. If you are wondering whether to say something, don’t.
• Difficult in-laws? They are in your life for the foreseeable, so this is no time to grind axes. Ask your bride the nicest thing her parents have ever done for her, and use that.
• Cue cards. Bullet points on cards, or the whole thing printed in large font and rested on the table, because nervous hands tremble.
• Practise religiously. Until the pauses and punchlines are second nature and you can make eye contact. Rehearse with a friend who can tell you which bits sound sincere and which sound like jokes.
• Delivery. Two-thirds normal speed, feet shoulder width apart, mic a little further from your mouth than you think. No mic? Project from the diaphragm.
• Booze. One or two for a steadier is fine. More and you will be slurring and losing your place in your one moment to shine.
• If you panic. Pause, look at your cards, go again. Use the laughs and the “aww” moments to glance at your notes and sip some water. “I’ve suddenly lost my place, where was I?” is perfectly fine. Everyone in that room wants you to do well. More in conquer the nerves.

Want it written for you?

If you would rather hand the blank page to someone who has filled a few hundred of them, our speech writing service writes groom speeches for £299. Alex, who writes most of ours, has been a professional writer for more than 20 years and has been a groom himself (just the once), so he knows how important it is to get it right and tailored to your bride.

Before you write a word, read the order of wedding speeches so you know where you fit, and the father of the bride speech so you know what you are replying to. If your bride is speaking too, send her our bride speech guide. And if the page is still blank a week out, the speech writing service is there for the last-minuters.