Brother's third wedding

Hello everyone. Welcome to this marvellous celebration of Tim & Netty’s marriage to each other. My name is Mike; I’m also the best man as well as being Tim’s ever-so-slightly older brother. 12 years older actually.. I can see that many of you are wondering if Tim and I are actually identical twins. Although it has been rumoured that only our mother could tell us apart, I sympathise if you are a little confused by our astonishing resemblance to one other but the truth of the matter is that I have not always been this skinny.

I ‘d like to start by apologising to Tim & Nettie for arriving today as late as we did. I couldn’t remember the name of the venue, and being aware that Tim was forking out for our slap-up meal out of his own pocket, I spent quite a while driving up and down looking for a Hungry Horse. Luckily, we called in here to make enquiries and were delighted to find that we had actually arrived at the right place.

It’s a great honour for me to have been chosen to be the best man today. A very great honour indeed. This is the first time that I’ve been the best man at one of Tim’s weddings. I can only assume that he was waiting until he found the perfect lady, the sort of lady that an elder brother would welcome into the Hooper family. And she is welcome too – very welcome indeed, and that comes from everybody. I couldn’t ever have imagined a bride more perfect for Tim- thank you, Nettie, for bringing so much into his life.

I do have fond memories of life as Tim’s elder brother. Putting him in his pram and running down to the shops so that he could watch the scalextric cars going round and round in the window, watching him drink from his bottle, eating a soggy Farley’s rusk while he staggered around naked and then sticking his head up the jumpers of our mother’s old friends. And that was only this morning…

But it’s not always been so easy being the sibling of the clever one. No-one, but no-one has ever questioned Tim’s intelligence…actually, now that I think about it, no-one’s ever actually mentioned it…

So now I can look fondly at my brother Tim and his charming wife Nettie as they make their plans for the future. I believe they’re planning on spending their honeymoon in Wales. I assume they’re going to Wales, I know I asked Tim what plans he had for him and Nettie after the wedding and he said he was just going to Bangor for several days..

I’d like to end by toasting the bride and groom. But just before I do, and on a more serious note for a moment, I’d like to recite some lines from a song. This is especially for the groom, my brother Tim. The song was written many years ago but the lyrics, I believe, are still meaningful today. “She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And with a love like that, you know you should be glad”. So I’d like you all to charge your glasses and join me in toasting the new Mr and Mrs Hooper. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the bride and groom.